Connect and Respect

Here in England, there was a new show that started last night, called 'Man Up!' 

It has been the cause of quite a few conversations in our house as we have see the promotional run up. (It has been on every ad break while we watch NCIS for about 3 weeks!!!) 

The premise of the show is the stunningly gorgeous presenter takes geeky, nerdy, live at home failures of men, and teaches them to be men. 

That's it.

 They are waxed, redressed, made over, taught how to talk to girls, put through obstacle courses and generally humiliated until she is satisfied they can hack it on their own.

Then they are deemed fit for a modern woman. 

My GOODNESS!!!!!

The first thing she says is "nowadays men are more and more unsure of where they belong-"

The thing that has sparked the conversation is that nowhere is it mentioned that the women are in the wrong. 

Nowhere does it say that women need to encourage their men, to include them more in their lives, to RESPECT them!!

When you look around today, men are ridiculed everywhere. Just look at any kids tv show and the dads are always bumbling idiots who need the mums to pick up the pieces of their failed attempts, which she does with a roll of the eyes and a sigh, as if she expected it all along. (we don't allow our kids to watch programs like that)

Some of the attitudes in the media leave a lot to be desired towards me, and the things that are let go amaze me, because if they were said or shown about women, there would be UPROAR!!!! 
The way men are oggled on TV by women hosts, if that were men making those lewd comments, it would be condemned in an instant as sexist and unacceptable.

Men have the raw end of the deal nowadays, when you look at things like social media. Most of the people I see deify their children and run down their 'useless' partner/husband. 

How about we talk about the good in our husbands, just in case it might inspire them to be better!

Would you want to change if nothing you ever did was good enough? If you were made to feel that you weren't really needed, and everything would go on just fine without you? 

Would it inspire you to go work hard to bring in the finances? would it make you want to help out in the kitchen, or with the kids? 

I don't think so. It would make you give up. And that is just what so many men have done.

Nothing is good enough, so why bother. 

Yet....

If I tell my husband how proud I am of him that he goes to work and earns a living so that we can homeschool our children, that I am proud of him that he gets up at 4 am to go shopping before work, so we have stuff in for breakfast, that I love the way he plays with our children, and prays at the dinner table with us all. If I tell him he is capable, and important to us all, then maybe he will be encouraged to be the man he is, rather than telling him what he's not! 

We all know how well children respond to praise, but are we adults any different? Are our men any different? Respect is a characteristic sadly missing in our time, and if we Christian women can't manage it with our hubbys then who can?

But you don't know what I have to deal with! I hear you cry.

I'm not saying it is always easy, and there are times when we need to address issues, I'm not denying that. But would you want to listen and truly take a good look at yourself if it was another in a long list of faults your loved one thinks you have??? (no matter how true it may be)

When we speak to our men with respect, and encourage them, they are more likely to listen to genuine concerns when they come up, because they know it is not just another nag, to be frank! And as an ex nagger, I have lived this change. I know it works. From experience. 

Are we perfect? Nope! Is it easy to keep my mouth shut sometimes and praise him? Nope! Are there days when I want to tell him he's wrong in front of the kids? YES!! but I won't. Because I want my children to respect their father, and they learn that from me. If I don't respect him, why should they? I have sadly seen this in a family quite close to us, and it is offensive to witness! 

I know this has been a bit of a long post today, but it's been on my mind for weeks. It's also been a great way of connecting to my husband, as we have talked about this, and how it will affect our children, and what we can do to teach them and to demonstrate God's way to them through our marriage.

I chose to marry my husband, and he is a reflection of my choices in life. 

I can now truly say, that I am happy with my choices and will choose to be happy for the rest of my life, with God's grace.

The True Way to Go

Today I attended my first Christian funeral.

I am blessed in my life to not have lost many people close to me and have only attended probably 3 funerals in my life. All of these, though, were before I became a Christian, and were very sad, down affairs, completely devoid of hope. 

A dear friend of mine lost her husband a couple of weeks ago, after a long battle with a myriad of health problems. He was in constant, excruciating pain, and had to have round the clock care, in the end. BUT.... He loved Jesus, and his faith was evident all the way through. He was a calm patient man, and never asked why him, never doubted God's love for him. He and his wife have been such a witness of what faith in God looks like.

His funeral was today, and I have never seen our tiny church so full, of friends, family, church members, doctors, so many people who loved him, and were touched by his life. 

It was sad, especially for his close family, most of whom don't know Jesus. 

However....

I have never been to such a joyous funeral in my life!! His life was celebrated, his faith was celebrated, but most of all, his God was celebrated. A few tears were shed, but mostly there were smiles, stories and songs of Jesus.

I want my funeral to be just like it. 

Help me finish strong Lord.

RIP Mike. Enjoy your mansion, and see you again soon. x 

Tea and Sympathy

I've been visiting a friend this morning.

This friend is an elderly lady, who lives on her own, and is wheelchair bound.

This friend is a particularly difficult lady to get on with. 

This friend drains me when I visit.

This friend is a great blessing to me despite all of the above.

I have been visiting her for about 3 months now, and God really had to move me strongly to be willing. He nudged me probably as much as 10 months ago, but because this lady is very harsh and abrupt, and I have never been very good at holding my tongue, I though God had the wrong person at first. 

And I told Him so.

I had every excuse, I didn't have a car, I would not be able to keep my mouth shut, I would make things worse. I told God all of this, but you know what, He wanted me to go anyway.

So I arranged with another friend to take and collect me and I bit the bullet. 

I could not believe the compassion I felt for this lady. 

When everyone, including her own family had been driven away by her tongue and her mean attitudes, God gave me a great pity for the broken lady inside all that hate. 

She is someone who never has a good word to say about anything, or anyone, and this can be very draining, in the natural world, on my mood, but there is always a flash, usually near the end of the visit, of a very lonely, very hurt lady, and she has flashes of sweetness that make me think God knew what He was doing in giving me a burden for her. 

I can not imagine not being able to take care of myself and having to allow strangers into my home to clean and take care of me. This is a proud lady who has done great things for God in her life, but seems to have taken against everyone and everything in frustration. 

I pray that God will allow me to love her in practical ways, as He loves me, and that she will see that Jesus loves her, despite her rough exterior, and wants to heal her hurts, if she will give them to Him. 

I pray that every one of will realise that. 

Show us more of Your glorious Love, Abba. 

Patience is a Virtue

I have been struggling lately.

Struggling to slow down and release my expectations and standards.

Our Little Bud is the one I'm struggling with.

Of our 4 children, he is the one I am most challenged by. He doesn't see the world as we do. He is showing a lot of signs of being on the Autistic spectrum, erring more toward the Asperger's side.

As he was our foster child first, we have notice a lot of changes since he first came to live with us, and were always told that Looked After Children display signs of Autism as part of their attachment issues.

As any mam knows though, a mama knows her child, and with the last psychological assessment telling us he had a secure attachment, this just doesn't ring true. Little Bud has been with us almost 4 years now, and home educated for 4 months, and it is this close-up, 24 hr living that has brought it to the forefront.

It's hard to remember all this when trying to patiently think of an alternative way to explain a feeling that is obvious to everyone else, but he misses completely. Or trying to coax an ending out of a boy who does not know how to create, only copy. 

Part of me wants a diagnosis, but I fear it would just be for my own justification. There is nothing they can do for him, and I have support at church, and he doesn't need another label on him. 

He's perfect just the way he is, even if he does try my last nerve.....

Search me Oh Lord

It can be a scary thing to look at yourself.

I don't mean in a mirror, (although after Christmas, that's a little scary too!) I mean in a reflective, deep down inside, "what are my motives" kind of way.

It is quite something to realise that you are capable of attitudes and thoughts that you hate! I cant stand it when others begrudge good things happening to someone they know, it's mean and no-one knows what the other goes through.

Plus God has an individual plan for each of us!

But when I was told someone close has good news of something that I am waiting for God to do for us, I hate to admit that all those thoughts ran through my head! 

Well, not begrudging, as such, but unfair thoughts about .... I can hardly say it... but that's supposed to be me!!!

I love the person so very much, and I am happy for them, I truly am. The pain that went through my heart was real, it was strong and my mind, unfiltered, was not very charitable.

And my God does not want me to stay that way.

He has to be the one who deals with my hurt, I can't, the other person cant. 

My Abba knows the plans he has for me.

In times like this, He always takes me back to what I know. Not what I feel, what I KNOW.

I KNOW my God loves me. I KNOW my God never changes. I KNOW He promised us. I KNOW Jesus can be trusted. I KNOW I can take my troubles to Him. He is faithful.

So while my feelings rage, my spirit is quiet, as my Abba has shown me myself. But He hasn't left me there.

Thank You God. 

What's a girl to do?

So the new year is almost upon us, and it's that time again, where we take stock of the past, and make plans for the year ahead.

So I ask you, how have you grown in the last year, and what are your goals for next year?

In the interest of fairness, I'm going to share my thoughts. (if that's ok)

Taking stock of the last year, I can see that I have grown in Grace towards others, and am much more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt than I ever would have. I KNOW this is because my Abba Father has had many occasion to give me the benefit of the doubt over the last year!!!!

I have grown to trust Abba more, through a series of events, and fulfilled promises, after a long wait and many toddler tantrums on my behalf!! (See what I mean about Him being gracious!?)

I have learnt new things about my husband and children, and I have made new friends and had to say goodbye to a few too. Letting go is something I have found hard, but God has smoothed the way when I have given my expectations to Him.

I can honestly say that, although I still have a LONG way to go, through God's grace and patience, I feel that I am a better person now than last year.

So looking forward, my goals are to continue to learn how to feed my family healthy, nutritious meals, to continue to learn about my husband, and the wife he needs and deserves, to try to model to my children a real life with Christ, not a religion, but a relationship and the ups and downs and mistakes and forgiveness that entails.

I want to get more active, (but I say that every year), and I want to read more books, (I say that every year too, but I usually do this one!!) and I want to believe that this year will be another year that the Lord adds more children to our family.

But most of all, my goal is to draw closer to my Abba, because apart from Him, I can do nothing. Without Him, I will be the same next year as this. Without Him, I will be alone. Without Him, I AM nothing.

Praise You Yeshua, my Saviour King. 

And then it was all over......

How crazy we all get for just a few days a year!!

I hope and pray that your Christmas was a blessed one, but it always amazes me how much pressure we put ourselves under at this time of year!!

I'm thinking about this because I took our trimmings down today. 

For me, Christmas is done on my birthday, which is 27th, and since I don't want to do a lot on my birthday, they usually come down the day after. I was sick yesterday, so I have made the effort after church today to take them all down and get cleaned up in the house. 

As I look around my bare room now, it makes me think of all the fuss that goes into Christmas.

I'm not talking about being prepared, I'm talking of the stress over things being just so for the in-laws, or making sure we have enough this or just the right that! 

I like to spend Christmas just us in our home, after many of my younger years were spent working, but Boxing day is usually our time for visiting with family. This year, we were the guests at my mum's. We usually host her, but with DH work commitments, she invited us to her house, and we had a lovely time. I am very lucky to have a relaxed family, with no formalities or rigid traditions to govern me, and it was a relaxed, lovely time. 

On Christmas day itself, we spent time in the morning thanking Jesus for all the generosity we had been shown with all the gifts we had received and Christmas dinner was ready when it was ready!! 

We had a lovely quiet family day, and there was no stress, just the peace and joy of time spent together and with the Lord. 

As Christmas should be.

I am truly blessed. 

Consumerism gone mad??

Is it just me, or has Christmas just got more and more about "STUFF"???

As we approach this special day, every year seems to become a competition of who can spend the most amount of money on the most amount of stuff for the most amount of people and win!!

When did this happen???

I didn't grow up in a Christian house, so it was never really about Christ, unfortunately, when I was a kid, but we always spent time together, watching various films as a family, and just enjoying each other's company, with good food and a gratefulness for the things we did get!!

Now that I have grown up ( a little....), I want to instill some of the same things in my children; spending time with those you love and a gratefulness for what they have, but also an appreciation for the greatest gift mankind was every given.

A way back to God.

This holiday is not about Stuff. Jesus was given meaningful presents by the Magi, and a small, thoughtful present is the most we have done this year. Instead, our focus will be along the lines of the American Thanksgiving. We give thanks for our family around us, who have thoughtfully given us presents. We are thankful for the special treats and food we can put on our table, and the means to do so. We are thankful for a roof over our heads and heating and lighting. 

But most of all, on Christmas day, Santa falls by the wayside in the presence of the KING of kings and the Lord of lords, our most precious gift, Jesus Christ. 

So there is no mad rush on Christmas Eve in our house, there are no £££££ signs in our children's eyes as they stare at a mountain of useless "STUFF" that will be forgotten by suppertime. There will be fun and laughter, thanksgiving and prayer, and Jesus.

Amen.

Who said the Christian life was boring???!

Life gets so busy sometimes.

Now that we have officially adopted Little Bud, he has begun his homeschooling adventure with the big kids at The School in the Back Room!!

He has taken to it so well. He loves it and asks to start if I take "too long" in my quiet time in a morning!!!

We have had his celebration hearing at the courthouse, where he shook the hands of all the attendees like he was an grown man!! (He's 7 next week!) 

We also baptized our eldest son, our second born, Haribo this past weekend!! He was radiant as he came out of the water and was richly blessed with cards and words of encouragement.

It made both Hubby and I think back on our own journey with Jesus. we would never have pictured then, 6 and 5 years ago respectively, when we were baptized, just how far the Lord would take us, and the adventure it would be. 

I am so thankful that I have Jesus in my life, making the difference. 

May I always ask "what can I do for You today Abba?"

True Worship

I am so glad that Jesus takes us through seasons and doesn't dump everything on you at once....

He has been taking me back to what worship is about. I have sung since i was 13 yrs old, and spent a long time working in the pubs and clubs in Northern England, notoriously some of the hardest crowds in the world. When I met Christ, I thought this would just translate to my calling in Him. 

Not so!!!!!

I love to sing, and I do believe I am called to lead God's church in worship, but my heart has had to be made right first. 

My biggest problem is pride. As a performer, I have always defined myself by my voice and my ability to sing. Everyone around me has always done the same. This doesn't wash with God. 

I am not accepted by him because of what I do, I'm accepted by Him because he loves me. Because he chose me before the foundation of time. 

I have had to be stripped of everything that I got my strength from, so that my strength comes from the Lord. I have had to learn AGAIN what true worship is, that it is not a performance on a stage, it is not to be done Just on a Sunday morning, but should be WHO WE ARE!!!! we should have an attitude of Worship, thanking the Lord at all times, working as unto the Lord, whether it is in church, or doing the dishes, or putting the 13 load of laundry on that day, or driving to work, or helping your neighbour with their groceries. 

All things done to the Lord are tiny acts of worship. It tells Him and the world that Jesus is Lord and THE Lord of your life. 

THAT is true worship, my friends, not singing a few songs on Sunday morning..... 

Thank you for that lesson again, Abba...

My week got better

So I have been home schooling all 4 children for 1 full week and they are still alive and breathing!!!!! (you laugh, it was a close one!)

Actually, despite the stresses and strains of settling back into the school routine, the loss of our local weekly Home Ed group, and teaching a very particular boy the ropes, we have had a good week.

Learning how to teach a new child is hard. All my babies learn differently, and obviously have different needs, and Little bud in particular has very specific strengths and weaknesses, so it has been an eye-opening week. 

I know we can do this, despite my near atomic breakdown yesterday, sobbing to Jesus that I can't do it, that I'm not patient enough, and  all the 'not enough's' I could come up with. The scripture that got me off my sopping wet pillow was "i can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me" Phil. 4:13 

When Abba asked me to home school our children, He gave me the scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" 

It is this that I cling to now, when I feel overwhelmed. My Father told me to do this, and he would strengthen me. I trust in Him and Him alone. I have to, or every day would be spent sobbing on my pillow!!

I am a new creation, and my Abba loves me, and believes in me. 

That's all I need. 

And some coffee......

Balance: the whys and wherefores

It never takes much for me to get out of balance.

I am an extremely faddy person. I get fixated on things and they become all i think about. then I want to try things myself, and praise God I have an accommodating husband!

I go mad and then..... 3 weeks later I'm done. 

This happened with simple, green, clean living. 

I saw some blogs, read some research and that was it, I was away. 

I wanted to change everything at once, because when you know this stuff, you cant un-know it, can you!?

Well, you guessed it, a lot of my "simple living" ideas went out the window very quickly. 

Then I felt guilt for not doing it! 

The things we put ourselves through, eh! 

So I've been praying, and I feel we have come to a place where I need to start taking a more relaxed approach. 
A great tip I saw on another blog was work out what matters to YOU, not what you have seen others do. 

It is important to us to homeschool our children. It is important to us to eat nourishing real food, but sometimes we like to eat takeout, and once in a while, that's fine too. It's important to us to limit the amount of chemicals in our house, and I want to reduce my sugar intake. but most of all, it's important to us to model a life with Jesus to our children, by living a life with Jesus in front of our children, mistakes and all. 

So, I share with my kids what God is doing in my life, they see the changes that are taking place in me and DH, and we encourage them in their own walks.

THAT'S important to me.

NOT all the other stuff. Praise You God, for showing this stubborn woman a different way.

Awesome, in the true sense of the word..

I was watching part of the Hillsong conference on TV this morning and a speaker called Louie Giglio was on there, taking about how great our God is. 

The guy has a great dvd about the stars and solar systems and how they all sing to the Lord as part of creation's song.

I've seen this dvd before and was amazed, so when I saw him speaking, I was intrigued as to what he was talking about this time.

He began talking about our cry, how our words and our worship are so important, and that battles are won with the new song that Jesus gives us. 

I love this, as a worship leader, as so many Christians miss how important praise and worship is. It is NOT just a warm up to the preacher, NOR is it to make you feel sweet and nice! 

It is to remind us, and everyone else, how amazing God, the creator of the universe, is!! This is so powerful, because the enemy does not know what to do with someone who will praise God in every season.

Louie went on to talk about the stars again, and the sounds that they make. He played sound bites of 2 different stars and played them together and they made MUSIC!! 

Seriously, they made music. 

Not altered, not synthesized, they honest to goodness made music when played together. 

I was in tears. The creation does indeed worship the creator.

And God wants our voice to join that symphony. He wants it so much, that He sent Jesus to pay our debt so we could. 

God is AMAZING!!!!!

Different.......but not

The first day as Little Bud Gee........ and he has been a little toe-rag!!!!

You know how it is, right? Temper, tiredness, and rules! Not always a good mix.

Anyway....

We were visiting with some friends today and on the way there (a very long walk) we got to talking. My 11 yr old, Smudge, was saying how much his feet were hurting. This turned into a full blown conversation on how amazing our bodies are and how God made us.

I love that we get to bring God into our every day life, and it made me realize that even though I sometimes doubt, I am making a difference. I am making a difference right where I am, to 4 future grown ups, who will go on to influence their worlds. 

Being a mama is the best job in the world. 

Please Jesus, help me get it right......

It's Official!!!!!

It's finally happened!! 

Little Bud is legally ours. 

This morning, the judge granted the adoption order to make the child of my heart into a legal member of our family. 

3.5 long years in the making, to say we are pleased is a GIANT understatement!! 

We have full parental rights, and he is ours as if he was born to us.

Life can be planned and lived properly for the first time in years. 

Praise my Abba in heaven for blessing us and entrusting us with this little boy.

We take very seriously our responsibility to train this child in the way of the Lord. 

Thank you Jesus!!!

He's ours!!!!!

:-)

Fear of others...

I have a little dilemma.

We, as a family, have made a decision that I fear is going to be disapproved of, and I am beginning to be fearful of the repercussions of this decision. 

Don't get me wrong, it is absolutely the right decision, and we are pleased with the choice, but I have always been a people pleaser, and hate when people I respect disapprove. 

I am really trying to work with my Father to please Him, and not others, but it is still hard. 

The people that may disapprove are not really that important, they will not be around for very much longer, and I know I am being foolish.

I have to give myself a good talking to, and the word says to bring every thought captive to Jesus (2 Cor 10:5) so I know I just need to pray when I feel fear. Perfect Love casts out fear, so only Jesus can help me. 

DO you suffer from pleasing people? 
How have you cracked it?

Lay it down, mama, Lay it down...

Guilt.

It comes to us all at some point, especially if you are a mama. 

At the moment, I am trying to crack the guilt. Crack it and leave it far behind me. 

I feel guilty about the stupidest things, that's the kicker!!!! 

I forgot to put hubby's pants in the drawer, I let the kids play too long on electronic games, I should have spoken more kindly to my daughter, I should have, I didn't, I wish I......

Now I know that I should feel guilt over some things. If hubby and I have had words, and I was out of order, guilt will hopefully push me to say sorry, but once I have, if he accepts that apology, I shouldn't feel guilty for another week!!!!!

It's not right if our whole life is characterized by guilt. Christ died to take our guilt, so it is very selfish of me actually, to carry around what He died to take from me!!!

It is my job to lay down that guilt, when I recognize it, and accept His complete forgiveness. Guilt only makes things worse and it is not from God, it is from the enemy of my soul, and I am nothing to do with him anymore!!!! 

Learning is tough. Parenting is tough. Jesus is tougher! He can take the load. We can't! 

Static movement

Can one move forward while standing still?

I have been pondering this question for a long time now. 

Let me explain...

Before I met my Savior, I was a singer. I still am, but my definition of myself was Kim the singer. It's what I did, but it was also very much who I was. It gave me my worth. If I didn't sing, I was nothing. I have been accepted, loved and defined by it my entire life. My mum loved that I was a singer. My whole identity was wrapped up in it.

Then I met Jesus.

From that point on, I was to be defined by what HE says I am. So In His mercy and wisdom, He has stripped me, over the last 6 years of any public singing at all. This coincided with the change of priorities from singing, and my career, to where it rightfully should be, my family. 
I was raised by a very independent, strong female, who always encouraged me to work, to drive, to go after what I wanted. 

Except I'm not a driven person. I'm not someone who has the desire to be that kind of successful. As my mother doesn't know Jesus, she doesn't understand this. So I felt like I was just.....wrong. I wasn't, am not, what my mum is. I'm different. I love my mother, she has been such a support to me through out my life, I'm just different. 

So, day to day life has changed so much for me and at one point a few weeks ago,I felt like I was standing still. We have been waiting for the Adoption of Little Bud to come through, there have been some relationship changes recently that have happened despite my best efforts, we have lost the car, so have limited mobility, and I said to my good friend, I have felt like I am standing in the middle of a storm and everything I know is flying around me, with me stood still in the middle!!!

But I have come to realise, that although I feel like I haven't prayed enough, that I haven't leaned enough on the Lord and probably... well, definitely have tried to deal with things in my own strength too much, I have grown.

I hear my Lord speak clearly, even when I haven't sat with Him in a week. I see His hand in my life, even when I don't understand it. I have had to come to the decision that He knows best and He knows me best. I don't get me sometimes. I'm with the Apostle Paul, when he says "the good that I will to do, I do not do, but the evil I will not to do, that I practice!!!!" Romans 7:19

But I'm also with him when he says "who can save me? I thank God - through Jesus Christ. 
He is the savior, not me. I will trust in him. 

So can you move forward while standing still? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can, with Jesus.