Thoughts and feelings

Another week, another way to feel inferior, it seems.

I love looking through other blogs, and I sign up to a lot of great sites on Facebook all about nourishing food, Greener living and Homestead/sustainable living.

I have dreams. 

I have plans.

I have doubts. Doubts about my ability vs. my desire, about my gifts, about whether I can do the things I want to do in life.

Will God bless me with the house I would love when I am rubbish at keeping my present house clean?

Can I look after chickens, when I struggle to find time to walk my dogs every day?

Can I grind flour, soak recipes, grow food, bake bread, teach kids, and bring up more babies, if the Lord so blesses us, all every day, day after day?

In short, AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH!!???

I read a great post this week, about not crying about what you sign up for. Very inspiring, and I DID sign up for this. I signed up for homeschooling 4 children. I begged my husband to let me cook from scratch and to try to eliminate more of the processed foods from our lives. I also begged him for another puppy, because one wasn't enough!!

I love my life, I really do. I love the life we have chosen. I love spending time with my kids, and I love feeding them nourishing food, lovingly prepared. 

If I want to follow my dreams, can I?

Can I do all these things? Can I learn? Or can I just be patient and wait until Abba Father moves and equips me with the skills I need to do the things HE asks, not what I want. 

Right now, I'm not feeling very patient. But that doesn't mean I can't be. With a little Help from my Father....

What's a girl to do?

So the new year is almost upon us, and it's that time again, where we take stock of the past, and make plans for the year ahead.

So I ask you, how have you grown in the last year, and what are your goals for next year?

In the interest of fairness, I'm going to share my thoughts. (if that's ok)

Taking stock of the last year, I can see that I have grown in Grace towards others, and am much more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt than I ever would have. I KNOW this is because my Abba Father has had many occasion to give me the benefit of the doubt over the last year!!!!

I have grown to trust Abba more, through a series of events, and fulfilled promises, after a long wait and many toddler tantrums on my behalf!! (See what I mean about Him being gracious!?)

I have learnt new things about my husband and children, and I have made new friends and had to say goodbye to a few too. Letting go is something I have found hard, but God has smoothed the way when I have given my expectations to Him.

I can honestly say that, although I still have a LONG way to go, through God's grace and patience, I feel that I am a better person now than last year.

So looking forward, my goals are to continue to learn how to feed my family healthy, nutritious meals, to continue to learn about my husband, and the wife he needs and deserves, to try to model to my children a real life with Christ, not a religion, but a relationship and the ups and downs and mistakes and forgiveness that entails.

I want to get more active, (but I say that every year), and I want to read more books, (I say that every year too, but I usually do this one!!) and I want to believe that this year will be another year that the Lord adds more children to our family.

But most of all, my goal is to draw closer to my Abba, because apart from Him, I can do nothing. Without Him, I will be the same next year as this. Without Him, I will be alone. Without Him, I AM nothing.

Praise You Yeshua, my Saviour King. 

Consumerism gone mad??

Is it just me, or has Christmas just got more and more about "STUFF"???

As we approach this special day, every year seems to become a competition of who can spend the most amount of money on the most amount of stuff for the most amount of people and win!!

When did this happen???

I didn't grow up in a Christian house, so it was never really about Christ, unfortunately, when I was a kid, but we always spent time together, watching various films as a family, and just enjoying each other's company, with good food and a gratefulness for the things we did get!!

Now that I have grown up ( a little....), I want to instill some of the same things in my children; spending time with those you love and a gratefulness for what they have, but also an appreciation for the greatest gift mankind was every given.

A way back to God.

This holiday is not about Stuff. Jesus was given meaningful presents by the Magi, and a small, thoughtful present is the most we have done this year. Instead, our focus will be along the lines of the American Thanksgiving. We give thanks for our family around us, who have thoughtfully given us presents. We are thankful for the special treats and food we can put on our table, and the means to do so. We are thankful for a roof over our heads and heating and lighting. 

But most of all, on Christmas day, Santa falls by the wayside in the presence of the KING of kings and the Lord of lords, our most precious gift, Jesus Christ. 

So there is no mad rush on Christmas Eve in our house, there are no £££££ signs in our children's eyes as they stare at a mountain of useless "STUFF" that will be forgotten by suppertime. There will be fun and laughter, thanksgiving and prayer, and Jesus.

Amen.

Time flies

I finally sit down to share my month with you!!!

Well, it's been eventful! 

A family wedding, a family engagement, home schooling, a new prayer triplet,and to top it all off, DH has been diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes and High cholesterol!!!

We are not too worried about this, as we have made some big changes to our diet over the last year, but DH drinks nothing but Cola, and snacks very badly, so changes still need to be made.

I also had the pleasure of sharing a Word with our church this past weekend, and although i haven't done it in a while, and although the enemy tried his hardest to distract with a car crash outside the church (!!!) I felt my Abba with me and was able to share how God's grace is His strength to do what he asks us to do. 

I have also been reading more Francine Rivers and have been very touched by it. I was lent Leota's Garden and found, for the first time, the joy others find in creating and nurturing a flower garden. It always seemed like a lot of work for not much reward to me, but as I saw it through Leota and Annie's eyes, I began to see God in every action, in every job. 

I have yet to tell my DH, but I would like to learn how to tend a garden and enjoy it's beauty. My mum is a great gardener, and works on her garden every year. 

I may just have to pick her brains.....

I believe, help Thou my unbelief

Have you ever been through a tough time with God?

Just been through one myself and it is horrid. 

Situations can be gotten through, circumstances can be work through with God, but what if you feel let down by GOD?

I'm so glad we serve a gracious, patient God, because I need time to go through my feelings. 

I find that something that I am SURE the Lord told me would take place, hasn't happened. 

I don't understand. I am unsure of my ability to hear from God, I am disappointed, as I wanted the thing to come to pass. I feel let down, I feel angry, I feel foolish, I feel, I feel, I feel.

But what I feel doesn't count. What do I KNOW?

I KNOW that God is good.
I KNOW that God is faithful.
I KNOW that with God, ALL things are possible.
I KNOW that God loves me.
I KNOW that what He promised, will come to pass.

I cling to the scriptures with Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust him" Job 13:15

What I know must always trump what I feel, because feelings change. Truth, God's Truth never does.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

We will NEVER forget...

As I sit here with Haribo, catching up on our programs while daddy is at work, as we settle in to watch the 9/11 documentaries that we taped, I am humbled.

I am humbled by the stories from so many who risked their own lives, who lost their loved ones and continued to search for other survivors, who saved lives.

I thank God for those willing to help. 

I thank God for the Brave.

The survivors will never forget.

Neither will we.

Parenting dilemas

So how do we deal with consistent disobedience?

I am struggling with my beautiful, willful daughter at the moment. 

We have been battling over internet usage, but we always come to the same place. We give a little, trying to build trust, and she gets caught sneaking. 

We have tried taking all privileges away, we have pin-protected all devices that don't belong to her, we have tried allowing some access with parental monitoring, nothing works, she always seems to find a way around it.

I understand that this is a heart issue. 

She is challenging our authority, and is deceived into thinking that she is pulling the wool over our eyes. 

I must admit, as I write this, that I have been praying for the wrong things. I have been praying that I will parent her right, and that she will step into Jesus' plan for her life, when I should have been praying for Jesus to open her heart to His ways and that the Holy Spirit will reveal to her that her heart attitude to this is wrong. (she is born again and baptized)

Godly parenting is such a joy and a privilege, but it is also one of the most challenging, eye opening roles one can have, beaten only by Godly marriage, i think! 

Prayers would be appreciated right now!!