Slowly slowly fill the pantry..

Do you ever get an urge to clear out and start again?

This is how I get every few months. I get slack with things and then need a jump start.

At the moment it's my kitchen appliances.

I REALLY need would like a stand mixer at the moment. I have a small hand mixer, but a lot of the recipes I would like to make more often are made a lot easier by having one. 

So I do my usual, I begin researching, and trawling Amazon and Ebay to find just the one I want. 

I have no means to buy one yet, that's the problem.

I have a list on my refrigerator of all the things that I would slowly like to add or replace in my kitchen, and it's just not happening quickly enough for me!

My list includes (but is not limited to...)

• The aforementioned Stand Mixer
• A Grain Mill
• A Dehydrator
• A Slow cooker
• 2 more Cast Iron Frying Pans
• A Pizza Stone
• and a new collander!

I know it's a small thing, and I know that Jesus is teaching me patience at the moment, but today, I am not being a very good student. 

I am very blessed to have a working kitchen, I know this, and I know I need to wait and add slowly, I'm just feeling impatient today.

Is there anything that you are waiting somewhat patiently for? 

Wait with me, and we can wait in joy together. 

From tomorrow morning.......

Search me Oh Lord

It can be a scary thing to look at yourself.

I don't mean in a mirror, (although after Christmas, that's a little scary too!) I mean in a reflective, deep down inside, "what are my motives" kind of way.

It is quite something to realise that you are capable of attitudes and thoughts that you hate! I cant stand it when others begrudge good things happening to someone they know, it's mean and no-one knows what the other goes through.

Plus God has an individual plan for each of us!

But when I was told someone close has good news of something that I am waiting for God to do for us, I hate to admit that all those thoughts ran through my head! 

Well, not begrudging, as such, but unfair thoughts about .... I can hardly say it... but that's supposed to be me!!!

I love the person so very much, and I am happy for them, I truly am. The pain that went through my heart was real, it was strong and my mind, unfiltered, was not very charitable.

And my God does not want me to stay that way.

He has to be the one who deals with my hurt, I can't, the other person cant. 

My Abba knows the plans he has for me.

In times like this, He always takes me back to what I know. Not what I feel, what I KNOW.

I KNOW my God loves me. I KNOW my God never changes. I KNOW He promised us. I KNOW Jesus can be trusted. I KNOW I can take my troubles to Him. He is faithful.

So while my feelings rage, my spirit is quiet, as my Abba has shown me myself. But He hasn't left me there.

Thank You God. 

What's a girl to do?

So the new year is almost upon us, and it's that time again, where we take stock of the past, and make plans for the year ahead.

So I ask you, how have you grown in the last year, and what are your goals for next year?

In the interest of fairness, I'm going to share my thoughts. (if that's ok)

Taking stock of the last year, I can see that I have grown in Grace towards others, and am much more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt than I ever would have. I KNOW this is because my Abba Father has had many occasion to give me the benefit of the doubt over the last year!!!!

I have grown to trust Abba more, through a series of events, and fulfilled promises, after a long wait and many toddler tantrums on my behalf!! (See what I mean about Him being gracious!?)

I have learnt new things about my husband and children, and I have made new friends and had to say goodbye to a few too. Letting go is something I have found hard, but God has smoothed the way when I have given my expectations to Him.

I can honestly say that, although I still have a LONG way to go, through God's grace and patience, I feel that I am a better person now than last year.

So looking forward, my goals are to continue to learn how to feed my family healthy, nutritious meals, to continue to learn about my husband, and the wife he needs and deserves, to try to model to my children a real life with Christ, not a religion, but a relationship and the ups and downs and mistakes and forgiveness that entails.

I want to get more active, (but I say that every year), and I want to read more books, (I say that every year too, but I usually do this one!!) and I want to believe that this year will be another year that the Lord adds more children to our family.

But most of all, my goal is to draw closer to my Abba, because apart from Him, I can do nothing. Without Him, I will be the same next year as this. Without Him, I will be alone. Without Him, I AM nothing.

Praise You Yeshua, my Saviour King. 

I believe, help Thou my unbelief

Have you ever been through a tough time with God?

Just been through one myself and it is horrid. 

Situations can be gotten through, circumstances can be work through with God, but what if you feel let down by GOD?

I'm so glad we serve a gracious, patient God, because I need time to go through my feelings. 

I find that something that I am SURE the Lord told me would take place, hasn't happened. 

I don't understand. I am unsure of my ability to hear from God, I am disappointed, as I wanted the thing to come to pass. I feel let down, I feel angry, I feel foolish, I feel, I feel, I feel.

But what I feel doesn't count. What do I KNOW?

I KNOW that God is good.
I KNOW that God is faithful.
I KNOW that with God, ALL things are possible.
I KNOW that God loves me.
I KNOW that what He promised, will come to pass.

I cling to the scriptures with Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust him" Job 13:15

What I know must always trump what I feel, because feelings change. Truth, God's Truth never does.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Who said the Christian life was boring???!

Life gets so busy sometimes.

Now that we have officially adopted Little Bud, he has begun his homeschooling adventure with the big kids at The School in the Back Room!!

He has taken to it so well. He loves it and asks to start if I take "too long" in my quiet time in a morning!!!

We have had his celebration hearing at the courthouse, where he shook the hands of all the attendees like he was an grown man!! (He's 7 next week!) 

We also baptized our eldest son, our second born, Haribo this past weekend!! He was radiant as he came out of the water and was richly blessed with cards and words of encouragement.

It made both Hubby and I think back on our own journey with Jesus. we would never have pictured then, 6 and 5 years ago respectively, when we were baptized, just how far the Lord would take us, and the adventure it would be. 

I am so thankful that I have Jesus in my life, making the difference. 

May I always ask "what can I do for You today Abba?"

True Worship

I am so glad that Jesus takes us through seasons and doesn't dump everything on you at once....

He has been taking me back to what worship is about. I have sung since i was 13 yrs old, and spent a long time working in the pubs and clubs in Northern England, notoriously some of the hardest crowds in the world. When I met Christ, I thought this would just translate to my calling in Him. 

Not so!!!!!

I love to sing, and I do believe I am called to lead God's church in worship, but my heart has had to be made right first. 

My biggest problem is pride. As a performer, I have always defined myself by my voice and my ability to sing. Everyone around me has always done the same. This doesn't wash with God. 

I am not accepted by him because of what I do, I'm accepted by Him because he loves me. Because he chose me before the foundation of time. 

I have had to be stripped of everything that I got my strength from, so that my strength comes from the Lord. I have had to learn AGAIN what true worship is, that it is not a performance on a stage, it is not to be done Just on a Sunday morning, but should be WHO WE ARE!!!! we should have an attitude of Worship, thanking the Lord at all times, working as unto the Lord, whether it is in church, or doing the dishes, or putting the 13 load of laundry on that day, or driving to work, or helping your neighbour with their groceries. 

All things done to the Lord are tiny acts of worship. It tells Him and the world that Jesus is Lord and THE Lord of your life. 

THAT is true worship, my friends, not singing a few songs on Sunday morning..... 

Thank you for that lesson again, Abba...

Balance: the whys and wherefores

It never takes much for me to get out of balance.

I am an extremely faddy person. I get fixated on things and they become all i think about. then I want to try things myself, and praise God I have an accommodating husband!

I go mad and then..... 3 weeks later I'm done. 

This happened with simple, green, clean living. 

I saw some blogs, read some research and that was it, I was away. 

I wanted to change everything at once, because when you know this stuff, you cant un-know it, can you!?

Well, you guessed it, a lot of my "simple living" ideas went out the window very quickly. 

Then I felt guilt for not doing it! 

The things we put ourselves through, eh! 

So I've been praying, and I feel we have come to a place where I need to start taking a more relaxed approach. 
A great tip I saw on another blog was work out what matters to YOU, not what you have seen others do. 

It is important to us to homeschool our children. It is important to us to eat nourishing real food, but sometimes we like to eat takeout, and once in a while, that's fine too. It's important to us to limit the amount of chemicals in our house, and I want to reduce my sugar intake. but most of all, it's important to us to model a life with Jesus to our children, by living a life with Jesus in front of our children, mistakes and all. 

So, I share with my kids what God is doing in my life, they see the changes that are taking place in me and DH, and we encourage them in their own walks.

THAT'S important to me.

NOT all the other stuff. Praise You God, for showing this stubborn woman a different way.

Parenting dilemas

So how do we deal with consistent disobedience?

I am struggling with my beautiful, willful daughter at the moment. 

We have been battling over internet usage, but we always come to the same place. We give a little, trying to build trust, and she gets caught sneaking. 

We have tried taking all privileges away, we have pin-protected all devices that don't belong to her, we have tried allowing some access with parental monitoring, nothing works, she always seems to find a way around it.

I understand that this is a heart issue. 

She is challenging our authority, and is deceived into thinking that she is pulling the wool over our eyes. 

I must admit, as I write this, that I have been praying for the wrong things. I have been praying that I will parent her right, and that she will step into Jesus' plan for her life, when I should have been praying for Jesus to open her heart to His ways and that the Holy Spirit will reveal to her that her heart attitude to this is wrong. (she is born again and baptized)

Godly parenting is such a joy and a privilege, but it is also one of the most challenging, eye opening roles one can have, beaten only by Godly marriage, i think! 

Prayers would be appreciated right now!!

Awesome, in the true sense of the word..

I was watching part of the Hillsong conference on TV this morning and a speaker called Louie Giglio was on there, taking about how great our God is. 

The guy has a great dvd about the stars and solar systems and how they all sing to the Lord as part of creation's song.

I've seen this dvd before and was amazed, so when I saw him speaking, I was intrigued as to what he was talking about this time.

He began talking about our cry, how our words and our worship are so important, and that battles are won with the new song that Jesus gives us. 

I love this, as a worship leader, as so many Christians miss how important praise and worship is. It is NOT just a warm up to the preacher, NOR is it to make you feel sweet and nice! 

It is to remind us, and everyone else, how amazing God, the creator of the universe, is!! This is so powerful, because the enemy does not know what to do with someone who will praise God in every season.

Louie went on to talk about the stars again, and the sounds that they make. He played sound bites of 2 different stars and played them together and they made MUSIC!! 

Seriously, they made music. 

Not altered, not synthesized, they honest to goodness made music when played together. 

I was in tears. The creation does indeed worship the creator.

And God wants our voice to join that symphony. He wants it so much, that He sent Jesus to pay our debt so we could. 

God is AMAZING!!!!!

Fear of others...

I have a little dilemma.

We, as a family, have made a decision that I fear is going to be disapproved of, and I am beginning to be fearful of the repercussions of this decision. 

Don't get me wrong, it is absolutely the right decision, and we are pleased with the choice, but I have always been a people pleaser, and hate when people I respect disapprove. 

I am really trying to work with my Father to please Him, and not others, but it is still hard. 

The people that may disapprove are not really that important, they will not be around for very much longer, and I know I am being foolish.

I have to give myself a good talking to, and the word says to bring every thought captive to Jesus (2 Cor 10:5) so I know I just need to pray when I feel fear. Perfect Love casts out fear, so only Jesus can help me. 

DO you suffer from pleasing people? 
How have you cracked it?

Lay it down, mama, Lay it down...

Guilt.

It comes to us all at some point, especially if you are a mama. 

At the moment, I am trying to crack the guilt. Crack it and leave it far behind me. 

I feel guilty about the stupidest things, that's the kicker!!!! 

I forgot to put hubby's pants in the drawer, I let the kids play too long on electronic games, I should have spoken more kindly to my daughter, I should have, I didn't, I wish I......

Now I know that I should feel guilt over some things. If hubby and I have had words, and I was out of order, guilt will hopefully push me to say sorry, but once I have, if he accepts that apology, I shouldn't feel guilty for another week!!!!!

It's not right if our whole life is characterized by guilt. Christ died to take our guilt, so it is very selfish of me actually, to carry around what He died to take from me!!!

It is my job to lay down that guilt, when I recognize it, and accept His complete forgiveness. Guilt only makes things worse and it is not from God, it is from the enemy of my soul, and I am nothing to do with him anymore!!!! 

Learning is tough. Parenting is tough. Jesus is tougher! He can take the load. We can't! 

Static movement

Can one move forward while standing still?

I have been pondering this question for a long time now. 

Let me explain...

Before I met my Savior, I was a singer. I still am, but my definition of myself was Kim the singer. It's what I did, but it was also very much who I was. It gave me my worth. If I didn't sing, I was nothing. I have been accepted, loved and defined by it my entire life. My mum loved that I was a singer. My whole identity was wrapped up in it.

Then I met Jesus.

From that point on, I was to be defined by what HE says I am. So In His mercy and wisdom, He has stripped me, over the last 6 years of any public singing at all. This coincided with the change of priorities from singing, and my career, to where it rightfully should be, my family. 
I was raised by a very independent, strong female, who always encouraged me to work, to drive, to go after what I wanted. 

Except I'm not a driven person. I'm not someone who has the desire to be that kind of successful. As my mother doesn't know Jesus, she doesn't understand this. So I felt like I was just.....wrong. I wasn't, am not, what my mum is. I'm different. I love my mother, she has been such a support to me through out my life, I'm just different. 

So, day to day life has changed so much for me and at one point a few weeks ago,I felt like I was standing still. We have been waiting for the Adoption of Little Bud to come through, there have been some relationship changes recently that have happened despite my best efforts, we have lost the car, so have limited mobility, and I said to my good friend, I have felt like I am standing in the middle of a storm and everything I know is flying around me, with me stood still in the middle!!!

But I have come to realise, that although I feel like I haven't prayed enough, that I haven't leaned enough on the Lord and probably... well, definitely have tried to deal with things in my own strength too much, I have grown.

I hear my Lord speak clearly, even when I haven't sat with Him in a week. I see His hand in my life, even when I don't understand it. I have had to come to the decision that He knows best and He knows me best. I don't get me sometimes. I'm with the Apostle Paul, when he says "the good that I will to do, I do not do, but the evil I will not to do, that I practice!!!!" Romans 7:19

But I'm also with him when he says "who can save me? I thank God - through Jesus Christ. 
He is the savior, not me. I will trust in him. 

So can you move forward while standing still? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can, with Jesus.