We have a visitor.
It is a very unwelcome visitor.
Our beautiful Bearded Dragon, Vadar, had a growth.
We think that it is Yellow fungus, and on researching this nasty visitor, (google, anyone?) our outlook for the little guy was not too good.
However.....
We searched some more, and found an alternative, and after speaking to our vet, she said it was worth a try!
The good thing is, that Vadar seems healthy and happy at the moment, so no sickness or lethargy and he is eating VERY well!!
It's a good job that he likes his baths, because he will be having plenty of them in the next few weeks!!
It just made me think though. Haribo was heartbroken when we told him, (it's TECHNICALLY his pet) and what crossed my mind was my mum's mentality. My mother will not have a pet, because you get too attached and then it dies, and you get brokenhearted. And seeing his little face, and the concern he has for his animal, I could, for a split second, see what she means. No mama likes to see her child hurting.
However.....
As I look around at all the pets we have, and the animals we want long term, (our dream is a small holding, with chickens, a cow, some rabbits, etc), I would rather experience the temporary heartbreak and the years of joy, companionship and fun that pets bring, than never have one and avoid pain.
So, animals get sick. So do children. So they cost money. So do children. And spouses. and life. So they need training and clearing up after. So do children.
Are they the same? Of course not. But the reward of a loyal dog is worth the training time.
The companionship of a cat is worth the time and effort. The beauty and humor of a tortoise is priceless (and it will probably live longer that you!!) And a boy taking care of his sick dragon warms this mama's heart on a cold winter day :-)
Another week, another way to feel inferior, it seems.
I love looking through other blogs, and I sign up to a lot of great sites on Facebook all about nourishing food, Greener living and Homestead/sustainable living.
I have dreams.
I have plans.
I have doubts. Doubts about my ability vs. my desire, about my gifts, about whether I can do the things I want to do in life.
Will God bless me with the house I would love when I am rubbish at keeping my present house clean?
Can I look after chickens, when I struggle to find time to walk my dogs every day?
Can I grind flour, soak recipes, grow food, bake bread, teach kids, and bring up more babies, if the Lord so blesses us, all every day, day after day?
In short, AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH!!???
I read a great post this week, about not crying about what you sign up for. Very inspiring, and I DID sign up for this. I signed up for homeschooling 4 children. I begged my husband to let me cook from scratch and to try to eliminate more of the processed foods from our lives. I also begged him for another puppy, because one wasn't enough!!
I love my life, I really do. I love the life we have chosen. I love spending time with my kids, and I love feeding them nourishing food, lovingly prepared.
If I want to follow my dreams, can I?
Can I do all these things? Can I learn? Or can I just be patient and wait until Abba Father moves and equips me with the skills I need to do the things HE asks, not what I want.
Right now, I'm not feeling very patient. But that doesn't mean I can't be. With a little Help from my Father....
I have been struggling lately.
Struggling to slow down and release my expectations and standards.
Our Little Bud is the one I'm struggling with.
Of our 4 children, he is the one I am most challenged by. He doesn't see the world as we do. He is showing a lot of signs of being on the Autistic spectrum, erring more toward the Asperger's side.
As he was our foster child first, we have notice a lot of changes since he first came to live with us, and were always told that Looked After Children display signs of Autism as part of their attachment issues.
As any mam knows though, a mama knows her child, and with the last psychological assessment telling us he had a secure attachment, this just doesn't ring true. Little Bud has been with us almost 4 years now, and home educated for 4 months, and it is this close-up, 24 hr living that has brought it to the forefront.
It's hard to remember all this when trying to patiently think of an alternative way to explain a feeling that is obvious to everyone else, but he misses completely. Or trying to coax an ending out of a boy who does not know how to create, only copy.
Part of me wants a diagnosis, but I fear it would just be for my own justification. There is nothing they can do for him, and I have support at church, and he doesn't need another label on him.
He's perfect just the way he is, even if he does try my last nerve.....
It can be a scary thing to look at yourself.
I don't mean in a mirror, (although after Christmas, that's a little scary too!) I mean in a reflective, deep down inside, "what are my motives" kind of way.
It is quite something to realise that you are capable of attitudes and thoughts that you hate! I cant stand it when others begrudge good things happening to someone they know, it's mean and no-one knows what the other goes through.
Plus God has an individual plan for each of us!
But when I was told someone close has good news of something that I am waiting for God to do for us, I hate to admit that all those thoughts ran through my head!
Well, not begrudging, as such, but unfair thoughts about .... I can hardly say it... but that's supposed to be me!!!
I love the person so very much, and I am happy for them, I truly am. The pain that went through my heart was real, it was strong and my mind, unfiltered, was not very charitable.
And my God does not want me to stay that way.
He has to be the one who deals with my hurt, I can't, the other person cant.
My Abba knows the plans he has for me.
In times like this, He always takes me back to what I know. Not what I feel, what I KNOW.
I KNOW my God loves me. I KNOW my God never changes. I KNOW He promised us. I KNOW Jesus can be trusted. I KNOW I can take my troubles to Him. He is faithful.
So while my feelings rage, my spirit is quiet, as my Abba has shown me myself. But He hasn't left me there.
Thank You God.
