Thoughts and feelings

Another week, another way to feel inferior, it seems.

I love looking through other blogs, and I sign up to a lot of great sites on Facebook all about nourishing food, Greener living and Homestead/sustainable living.

I have dreams. 

I have plans.

I have doubts. Doubts about my ability vs. my desire, about my gifts, about whether I can do the things I want to do in life.

Will God bless me with the house I would love when I am rubbish at keeping my present house clean?

Can I look after chickens, when I struggle to find time to walk my dogs every day?

Can I grind flour, soak recipes, grow food, bake bread, teach kids, and bring up more babies, if the Lord so blesses us, all every day, day after day?

In short, AM I EXPECTING TOO MUCH!!???

I read a great post this week, about not crying about what you sign up for. Very inspiring, and I DID sign up for this. I signed up for homeschooling 4 children. I begged my husband to let me cook from scratch and to try to eliminate more of the processed foods from our lives. I also begged him for another puppy, because one wasn't enough!!

I love my life, I really do. I love the life we have chosen. I love spending time with my kids, and I love feeding them nourishing food, lovingly prepared. 

If I want to follow my dreams, can I?

Can I do all these things? Can I learn? Or can I just be patient and wait until Abba Father moves and equips me with the skills I need to do the things HE asks, not what I want. 

Right now, I'm not feeling very patient. But that doesn't mean I can't be. With a little Help from my Father....

Patience is a Virtue

I have been struggling lately.

Struggling to slow down and release my expectations and standards.

Our Little Bud is the one I'm struggling with.

Of our 4 children, he is the one I am most challenged by. He doesn't see the world as we do. He is showing a lot of signs of being on the Autistic spectrum, erring more toward the Asperger's side.

As he was our foster child first, we have notice a lot of changes since he first came to live with us, and were always told that Looked After Children display signs of Autism as part of their attachment issues.

As any mam knows though, a mama knows her child, and with the last psychological assessment telling us he had a secure attachment, this just doesn't ring true. Little Bud has been with us almost 4 years now, and home educated for 4 months, and it is this close-up, 24 hr living that has brought it to the forefront.

It's hard to remember all this when trying to patiently think of an alternative way to explain a feeling that is obvious to everyone else, but he misses completely. Or trying to coax an ending out of a boy who does not know how to create, only copy. 

Part of me wants a diagnosis, but I fear it would just be for my own justification. There is nothing they can do for him, and I have support at church, and he doesn't need another label on him. 

He's perfect just the way he is, even if he does try my last nerve.....