Do You Know...?

Do you know how I feel?

I'm sure you do. When everything in your life feels like it is spinning all around you and you are in the eye of the storm.

Being melodramatic is kind of in my nature, but sometimes, just sometimes, it really feels like you don't know your right from your left. 

Certain things are changing in our house, and one of the biggest ones is me. My Father in heaven loves me too much to stay the same, and when He shows you the truth about yourself, it's usually wise to listen. 

This is one of the most painful times in life, when you realise who you truly are, rather than who you think you are, but Jesus said "you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free".

Letting go of who you thought you were, now there is the hard part. 

How do you learn who you are? 

How do you judge what is you and what is who you want to be? How do you stop trying to please everyone else and look at what is truly in your heart? 

I had thought I was making progress with this and in one way I was. Deciding to home school my children goes completely against the grain of what everyone in my life believes in, and thought I was capable of. And it really wasn't that scary once we did it. 

So how do I go from one brave step to sorting through the influences that have shaped me to believe I must be a certain way, act a certain way, do certain things to be accepted, when I have spent most of my life striving for this and disappointing anyway?

Who am I really? 

Only my Father can tell me that. 

He allows discomfort in our lives for one primary purpose: to bring us running to Him. 

Such a shame that we stubborn creatures run like Jonah did in the opposite direction more often than not! 

Well, I want answers and for that I need to run TO Him not AWAY from Him. Only he can show me who I am, and then make me happy with it.

I am not what my husband thinks I am, nor my Mother, nor siblings, nor friends, nor public. 
I am what God thinks I am.

I'm worth dying for. Not because I did anything worthy, just simply because God  loves me.

And He loves you too.
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