Static movement

Can one move forward while standing still?

I have been pondering this question for a long time now. 

Let me explain...

Before I met my Savior, I was a singer. I still am, but my definition of myself was Kim the singer. It's what I did, but it was also very much who I was. It gave me my worth. If I didn't sing, I was nothing. I have been accepted, loved and defined by it my entire life. My mum loved that I was a singer. My whole identity was wrapped up in it.

Then I met Jesus.

From that point on, I was to be defined by what HE says I am. So In His mercy and wisdom, He has stripped me, over the last 6 years of any public singing at all. This coincided with the change of priorities from singing, and my career, to where it rightfully should be, my family. 
I was raised by a very independent, strong female, who always encouraged me to work, to drive, to go after what I wanted. 

Except I'm not a driven person. I'm not someone who has the desire to be that kind of successful. As my mother doesn't know Jesus, she doesn't understand this. So I felt like I was just.....wrong. I wasn't, am not, what my mum is. I'm different. I love my mother, she has been such a support to me through out my life, I'm just different. 

So, day to day life has changed so much for me and at one point a few weeks ago,I felt like I was standing still. We have been waiting for the Adoption of Little Bud to come through, there have been some relationship changes recently that have happened despite my best efforts, we have lost the car, so have limited mobility, and I said to my good friend, I have felt like I am standing in the middle of a storm and everything I know is flying around me, with me stood still in the middle!!!

But I have come to realise, that although I feel like I haven't prayed enough, that I haven't leaned enough on the Lord and probably... well, definitely have tried to deal with things in my own strength too much, I have grown.

I hear my Lord speak clearly, even when I haven't sat with Him in a week. I see His hand in my life, even when I don't understand it. I have had to come to the decision that He knows best and He knows me best. I don't get me sometimes. I'm with the Apostle Paul, when he says "the good that I will to do, I do not do, but the evil I will not to do, that I practice!!!!" Romans 7:19

But I'm also with him when he says "who can save me? I thank God - through Jesus Christ. 
He is the savior, not me. I will trust in him. 

So can you move forward while standing still? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can, with Jesus.