Static movement

Can one move forward while standing still?

I have been pondering this question for a long time now. 

Let me explain...

Before I met my Savior, I was a singer. I still am, but my definition of myself was Kim the singer. It's what I did, but it was also very much who I was. It gave me my worth. If I didn't sing, I was nothing. I have been accepted, loved and defined by it my entire life. My mum loved that I was a singer. My whole identity was wrapped up in it.

Then I met Jesus.

From that point on, I was to be defined by what HE says I am. So In His mercy and wisdom, He has stripped me, over the last 6 years of any public singing at all. This coincided with the change of priorities from singing, and my career, to where it rightfully should be, my family. 
I was raised by a very independent, strong female, who always encouraged me to work, to drive, to go after what I wanted. 

Except I'm not a driven person. I'm not someone who has the desire to be that kind of successful. As my mother doesn't know Jesus, she doesn't understand this. So I felt like I was just.....wrong. I wasn't, am not, what my mum is. I'm different. I love my mother, she has been such a support to me through out my life, I'm just different. 

So, day to day life has changed so much for me and at one point a few weeks ago,I felt like I was standing still. We have been waiting for the Adoption of Little Bud to come through, there have been some relationship changes recently that have happened despite my best efforts, we have lost the car, so have limited mobility, and I said to my good friend, I have felt like I am standing in the middle of a storm and everything I know is flying around me, with me stood still in the middle!!!

But I have come to realise, that although I feel like I haven't prayed enough, that I haven't leaned enough on the Lord and probably... well, definitely have tried to deal with things in my own strength too much, I have grown.

I hear my Lord speak clearly, even when I haven't sat with Him in a week. I see His hand in my life, even when I don't understand it. I have had to come to the decision that He knows best and He knows me best. I don't get me sometimes. I'm with the Apostle Paul, when he says "the good that I will to do, I do not do, but the evil I will not to do, that I practice!!!!" Romans 7:19

But I'm also with him when he says "who can save me? I thank God - through Jesus Christ. 
He is the savior, not me. I will trust in him. 

So can you move forward while standing still? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can, with Jesus.

Summer is here!!!

Summer is here!! School is out!!

It's always hard having 1 child at school, with the others homeschooled, but I love it now, when summer comes, as I have all my babies in one place!!!

Little Bud is currently at school, because he has been staying with us and couldn't be home schooled for legal reasons, but now, as it is the summer holidays, the fun begins!!!!

So no more early mornings, dragging him out of bed, no more cutting a day short to go pick him up, and best of all, NO MORE PACKED LUNCHES!!!! Well, not unless its for all of us.....

I have been lacking motivation lately, as I mentioned in the last post, so as we have a full house and no more school to worry about, I feel a summer clean coming on. DH goes back to work tomorrow :( but it means I'm probably a bit more inclined to get stuff done, so we shall see....

The summer days stretch ahead, so what are your plans for these lazy days? Learning? Beach? Road trip? Holiday? 

Life, As We Know It....

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted!!! 

DH has been on holiday so we have been making the most of it by spending some really good quality time as a family! 

Well, I have been struggling lately with having a schedule at all, and meal planning has been a last minute thing, having fudged through half the week before I get my act together!
Does that happen to you?

I want to be more organised, I know the benefits, but I just get waylaid, distracted, and deflated. 

I have had to try and get my focus back onto why I do it. 

I don't do it for praise, (which I often realise in horror that that was my motive) and I don't do it from duty (which it can feel like sometimes, especially when I really want to order a Chinese!) but I do it because it's easier, it's right and it is healthier. I want to do it because God has shown me a better way, and to go back to processed food would be foolish. I want to be a good steward of the family that God has given me, and I am just being a bit darn selfish and lazy when I don't!!!!

I don't like to think this of myself, but Jesus said, you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. 

Honesty is always the best policy, especially with one's self, so my prayer this week is change me Lord, give me the passion back and give me the energy to do my job as mama and chief caregiver!!!

How about you? Do you tire of healthy living? Do you struggle with enthusiasm and drive to do your best? Leave your tips here.

Taking Time to See the Bigger Picture...

So we had some frustrating news today. 

The adoption of Little Bud has stalled due to a report not being filed on time AGAIN!!!!

It frustrates me when other things, that I have no control over, go wrong, when we have been waiting so long for this!! 

It has put me in a bad mood this afternoon, and I knew it. I was grouchy, snapping at the children, and I shouldn't have. 

Mama had to take 30 mins to herself! 

As I sat watching the clear sky through my bedroom window, on this HOT summer's day, feeling sorry for myself, I began to think about what a great life we have; how lucky we are to have this little boy in our lives, and that the piece of paper will not make him any more or less the son of my heart.

I had to take a deep breath and realise that God is in charge. He has been all along, and He will not let us down. He brought Little Bud to us, so He will keep him with us. 

It is an honor to show this little boy God, and to love him as our own. 

My boy is awesome, just like the God who made him!!

Music, ah sweet music....

Wow, it's been so long since I sat and looked at the music I own!

I am sat writing this after spending a good 3 hrs sorting through my iTunes library, and updating my iPod. I completely forgot I owned such great music! 

It's amazing what music does for the soul. Music can evoke vivid memories, and soothe the soul, or remind you of a painful time in your life.

Music has always been a part of my life, and it always will be. Looking at my library, I noticed I have music for every mood. I have so many different genres, so many types within those genres, and just looking at some of my old, OLD favorites, I'm reminded of my first heartbreak, my first holiday without my mum and dad, Moving away, meeting the love of my life, the time when my children were born, when I auditioned for musicals, when I met Jesus, every phase of my life.

Music can tell the story of our life, each step, each turn, the gamete of our human emotions and our lives, in my humble opinion, would be so flat without it!

Just my thoughts as I sit here contemplating how rich my life has been, and how much beautiful music has played a part. Blessed doesn't even cover it.......