It can be a scary thing to look at yourself.
I don't mean in a mirror, (although after Christmas, that's a little scary too!) I mean in a reflective, deep down inside, "what are my motives" kind of way.
It is quite something to realise that you are capable of attitudes and thoughts that you hate! I cant stand it when others begrudge good things happening to someone they know, it's mean and no-one knows what the other goes through.
Plus God has an individual plan for each of us!
But when I was told someone close has good news of something that I am waiting for God to do for us, I hate to admit that all those thoughts ran through my head!
Well, not begrudging, as such, but unfair thoughts about .... I can hardly say it... but that's supposed to be me!!!
I love the person so very much, and I am happy for them, I truly am. The pain that went through my heart was real, it was strong and my mind, unfiltered, was not very charitable.
And my God does not want me to stay that way.
He has to be the one who deals with my hurt, I can't, the other person cant.
My Abba knows the plans he has for me.
In times like this, He always takes me back to what I know. Not what I feel, what I KNOW.
I KNOW my God loves me. I KNOW my God never changes. I KNOW He promised us. I KNOW Jesus can be trusted. I KNOW I can take my troubles to Him. He is faithful.
So while my feelings rage, my spirit is quiet, as my Abba has shown me myself. But He hasn't left me there.
Thank You God.
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